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Ferb Nation

Alright, here I go again, being a little less than cranky, but I was reminded again yesterday of something I've been wanting to share with someone for quite some time. 
 
About a year ago, the Disney Channel started airing a new cartoon about two kids on summer vacation, and what they do with each day of that vacation, called "Phineas and Ferb."  I saw a couple episodes yesterday that I hadn't seen before, and it reminded me of how much I love the show.  In fact, my whole family loves it.
 
The main characters are two stepbrothers named, obviously, Phineas and Ferb, and they appear to be about, maybe, ten or twelve years old, which is a little young to be doing the things they are doing, a fact which is a running gag throughout the series.  They do things like build a rollercoaster, which ends up in orbit, adopt a star then build a rocket to go visit it, and soup up the family sedan and turn it into racecar. Of course, hilarious misadventures ensue.
 
Attempting to get the boys busted is their teenage sister, Candace, voiced by Ashley Tisdale, who most kids know from the "High School Musical" phenomenon.  She is always "telling mom" (who is voiced by Caroline Rhea), but she can never provide proof, as it is almost invariably destroyed in the battle between the boys pet platypus (yes, I said platypus) Perry, and my favorite character, Dr. Heinz Doofenschmirtz, head, and apparently sole employee of, Doofenschmirtz Evil, Incorporated.
 
Perry the Platypus appears to be a mild-mannered family pet, but is actually a Semi-Aquatic, Egg-Laying Mammal of Action.  He is the James Bond-type secret agent to Dr. Doofenschmirtz's evil scientist.  Doofenschmirtz is really less evil than mildly maniacally malevolent.  He hatches Rube Golberg-esque plots to wreak havoc on the Entire Tri-State Area, which are always foiled, usually by Agent P (Perry the Platypus).  Some of the plots include wrapping the entire Tri-State are in aluminum foil in order to drag it away with a giant magnet (and yes, I know aluminum isn't magnetic. I said he was an evil scientist, not an evil genius), inventing a new gas, Doofelium, to turn everyone's voicy high and squeaky like his, and building a giant robot to rampage Godzilla-style through the city.  Perry usually bursts in to foil the plot, gets captured, then listens while Doofenschmirtz explains his entire scheme before escaping and thwarting the plot, destroying the boys' project of the day in the process.
 
The show has a pattern that it follows in most shows, which is to take the normal sitcom "Everything is solved in a half hour," and taking it to the extreme. The boys build their grandiose projects in a single day, often remarking on how long it took.  Perry and Doofenschmirtz do battle, Candace attempts to "bust" the boys for no reason in particular, and Mom usually shows up a few seconds after the whole thing has been destroyed.  There are catchphrases for most of the characters, but they often get used by other characters.  Somehow, the whole thing ends up fresh and amusing pretty much every time, and with the episode generally lasting only fifteen minutes, they move along at a quick pace.
 
Another strong point of the show is the music.  There are spoofs of everything from classical to Broadway to pop and rock.  Usually the lyrics fit in with the plot of the show, but on occasion they are just utter nonsense with the point of being utterly nonsensical.  They are usually sopt-on parodies and very, very funny.
 
There are a few episodes that I would recommend, in particular, because they exemplify the spirit and humor of the show particularly well.  The first is "Rollercoaster," which is also the first episode aired.  I would watch this one first, because it sets up a lot of the running gags that permeate the series. Then, there is "Flop Starz," which includes a spoof of "American Idol," with the most inanely brilliant song I've heard in a long time.  Watch it and try not to sing the song afterwards. It can't be done.  Next is "Hail, Doofania!" which pretty much reverses the formula entirely and features the most hilarious national anthem in history, the title song, which keeps my family in stitches every time.  If you like these, the longer episode "Dude, We're Getting the Band Back Together" is a note-perfect take on a number of forms of modern music, as well as the reunion tour concept. 
 
The best thing about the show is that the whole family can watch it, without the need to feel offended, either by the material or a low level of intelligence.  There are scenes where we all laugh, and scenes where my kids look at me like I'm crazy because I can't stop laughing, and the joke sailed right past them. There are so many types of humor here, wordplay, slapstick, parody, horrible puns, sight gags. The list goes on and on.  For my money, this is the best animated series to premiere since "The Simpsons." I think it's one of the best shows on today, animated or live action.  It is one of the few shows that everyone gathers around to watch, and everybody has a good time. 
 
It is well worth checking out, whether you have young kids, older kids, or you are a big kid yourself. 
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Borderline Cult

This movie, and I hesitate to call it a movie, is so bad my head hurts from watching it. The blurb says this movie is about three serial killers, but really, the woman lures the (good-looking, large-breasted, incredibly stupid) female victims out into the middle of nowhere, where the big fat guy kills them in various non-imaginative, not particularly interesting ways, then the black guy buries them (so I guess you have a serial lurer, a serial killer, and a serial undertaker). This is repeated 5 or 6 times, and then the "movie" ends. Seriously, that's all there is to it.
 
They took the disappearances of hundreds of women along the U.S.-Mexican border as an "inspiration," and extrapolated an entirely uninteresting, wholly unbelieveable, thoroughly nauseating and undeniably lousy work of trash. When they say "Based on Actual Events," they mean "Nobody knows what happened, so we're making up something completely unoriginal.
I believe the genre of this abomination is called 'splatterporn,' but there is pretty much no splatter, and the acting ability of the cast is not quite up to porn standards. Even the good-looking, large-breasted women keep their tops on, so it's a waste from that angle, as well. Seriously, folks, you could hand out video cameras to random high school students and come up with something better than this crap. I'm not opposed to a good slasher movie, or even a slasher movie that's so bad it's good, but this fails to live up to even those low expectations.
 
The cast is a bunch of unknowns who, judging from their work in this trash, will remain unknowns for the foreseeable future.  The director, if one may be so bold as to call him that, is Ulle Lommel, who is apparently something of a legend in horror circles. The basis underlying that conclusion, I don't know, but if this movie is any indication, he is legendary for making historically unwatchable crap.
 
This cost me seven-fifty at Wal-Mart, and beyond the time spenting earning that money, the actual watching of this thing is an hour-and-a-half that I will never get back.  Don't buy it. Don't rent it. Don't borrow it. Don't let friends watch it. If I were awarding stars, this one would owe me stars back.  Ick.
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Dis-Spirit-ed

I had the opportunity not long ago to see the movie "The Spirit."  Having really gotten a kick out of "300" a couple years ago, and having a small weakness for old-time superhero movies, I was really looking forward to this one.
 
Alas. 
 
It's very stylish, funny at points, and features a few VERY hot ladies, all of whom are also very intelligent, which only ratchets up the hotness factor. It also features Samuel L. Jackson having a great time as the super-villan, pretty much stealing every scene he's in.  Samuel L. Jackson may have been in a few bad movies (Snakes on a Plane, which was bad, but fun-bad), but I've never seen him give a bad performance.  The Spirit, played by Gabriel Macht,  is well-acted, and convincing.  There are a few pretty good action sequences, with a few bits that appear to violate the laws of physics, although why that should bother me in a superhero movie, I can't quite say.
 
The real problem is the story.  It really doesn't have anywhere to go, and takes a long time to get there.  It involves some ridiculous plot to get artifacts from Greek mythology that will convey miraculous powers to those that possess them.  Ridiculous plot devices are not a problem for me per se, but it just didn't work for me in this instance.  In something like the Indiana Jones movies, where history is the key, and mythology is part of that history, outlandish things happening don't seem out of place or unbelieveable.  In this movie, where science is at the heart of the explanation for what is happening, the supernatural just doesn't fit.
 
Beyond that, the story progresses at a snail's pace, with the outcome telescoped way in advance.  I had no real problem seeing where it was going next, because other movies had been there before, and done it better.
 
Another problem I had, was that the black-and-white style of the movie and the costuming and makeup made it difficult for me to distinguish between Scarlett Johansson and Eva Mendes.  They are both extremely good looking, and don't look at all like each other elsewhere, but in this movie, I had some difficulty distinguishing, which was crucial to some plot points, and detracted from the overall experience.  Maybe I shoud have looked at them from the neck up.  For another, older example of the problem, see "Criminal Law," with Gary Oldman and Kevin Bacon. In that movie, they look enough like each other that my whole family was trying to figure out who was who.
 
The last thing I'll mention is kind of a quibble, but it threw me out of the spirit (pun intended).  The movie is a little unstuck in time.  The comic was started back in the forties, and the style is an attempt to recreate that, but it appears that they are using much more modern equipment, including cell phones at different times.  This really became a problem for me in the middle of the movie, where, out of nowhere, there is a huge set right out of the Third Reich, and while it IS something of a guilty hoot to watch Jackson storm around in a Nazi uniform, it really felt way out of place in both the tone and subject matter of the film. 
 
So, in the end, this wasn't entertaining enough to recommend, but if you don't have anything to do on a cold winters' night, and this is the last DVD available at the video store, you could do worse.
 
I give it a blah.
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Chinese Democracy

Okay, so maybe this first review isn't going to be all that cranky, but I feel the need to share this one.
 
After 16 years, and an almost complete turnover of band members, we finally get to hear the long-long-long-awaited new album from Guns n' Roses, and surprise! It actually rocks! In fact, it's the best new release I heard all last year, though that's a fairly short list.
 
When I first listened to this album, I didn't much care for it. I had in my mind the "Appetite" and "Illusions" Gn'R, and this is quite different from both of those albums.  It has the anger and intensity of  "Appetite" with the musical diversity of the "Illusions," and the spirit of both, while managing to sound completely different from either of them (except for that glorious voice, and even that shows more facets than prior efforts revealed). 
 
After the second or third spin, The melodies started sticking in my mind, and making me want to hear them again.  Now the CD somehow keeps finding itself in the drive almost every other time I listen to something.
 
All the hype and bickering aside, Axl Rose has done two major things with this album: He has proven himself the true heart and soul of Guns n' Roses, and has given us something we don't often get in this era of American Idol and pre-packaged "bands": an album full of music we haven't heard before, that not only doesn't suck, but rocks, and hard.  And for that, he should be commended. I just hope he doesn't make us wait sixteen years for the next.
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Hello!

Just a quick introduction to get started.
 
I like movies. I like music. I like to write. Hence this blog.
 
I want to let people know about movies and music that I've seen to let them know about good stuff they may not of known about, and to warn them about the real turkeys out there that ought to be avoided.  The movies and music won't necessarily be brand new or even recent, but if it's not, it will probably be something out of the mainstream.
 
I don't intend to mince words, hence the "cranky" in the title. 
 
If you have something to bring to my attention, feel free to let me know: I'm open to new good stuff, bad stuff and just plain weird stuff.
 
I'll probably post the first one in the next few days.
 
Till then - have a great New Year!
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